Ups and downs along the way

Its been an odd week or two since i posted last. Pay cheque arrived, payments went out, another month of scrimping starts, and its still not to bad a thing. once i remember to actually buy food and cook dinners rather than reverting to the cheap and easy options it normally helps get back to race ish weight. Just need to start avoiding the cake and beer isle again.

February the last two years has been the month where i've been eager to get going again after a nice bit of time off from the cyclocross season. Sure i've never taken it anywhere as serious as i did this year, but the self imposed extension of the nationals has left me in a mental state of fatigue. A month off that i don't get to have would sort me out for some exploratory racing in Feb, but now i have to push back further. Thankfully i had already sort of scheduled March as a no racing month. It'll be good for me to get a hard block of work in, and still catch up on friends.

At this point i just want to get it over with. All the love, all the excitement i had for hosting a race at my home venue has gone. I just want Sunday to roll over, happen, then die so i can get back on with my life and not have to deal with everyone else's.

The last cross race i actually raced was in November,the final round of the Super-cross. 6 weeks ago. I have done lots of aerobic work, am lighter than i was, bike skills have been honed on the MTB. But i fear the top end is gone. Only racing will tell.

Why do i get worked up and stressed over training for a race that i will do average in, why do i stress over work, over every little facet of every little thing that i can control, yet if i mentally declare something that i cant control, i don't stress. I don't know why, if you do answers on a postcard please.

All i know is that i need to get some time off, time to myself, time with wheels under me and blue sky's above. Time to be solitary and hurt the daemons in my head. Once the CX nationals are over, and the dust (hangover) has settled this will happen.